Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Breaking News

Predatorgate Continues:

  • Robert Novak is reporting that Republican Party leaders knew about former Rep. Mark Foley’s sexual proclivities. They chose to remain silent in order to maintain the Republican majority in the House of representative. Foley’s Florida Congressional seat was considered safe.

  • Conservative Republican leader proposes to “Cut and Run” from the House Page Program. “End the program and remove the temptation”. Congressional leaders believe that Republican Values Voters will support this new battle plan as a valiant display of strength in the War on Tempting Teen Texting Terrorism.

  • Moderate Republicans are also considering adopting a Page Program plan proposed by a former Michigan Mormon sect minister. Abercrombie and Fitch, Banana Republic, and Old Navy may be asked to submit competitive designs for unisex burkas for the young men and women in the House Page Program. Similar to the gender practices in the Saudi Kingdom, members of the U.S. House of Representatives will no longer be tempted by the sight of teenage Pages.

  • Persian lobbyists propose a reach around to an ancient chaperoning practice. Eunuchs may supervise the House Page Program. Republican Christian Conservatives seek volunteers from Focus on the Family and other activist organizations.

Okay, I made the last two up. LOL

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