Tuesday, November 28, 2006
The Here and Now
For the first time in nearly 4 weeks I have visited the sites of my Bipolar Planet friends and allies. Why?
Really, why did I not visit them sooner?
And, why now?
Before leaving on my Mexico adventure I had a Pdoc appointment. I told him that I was really f-ing tired of month after month of hypermania and some f-ing rapid cycling. So, guess what?
The psychiatric cocktail was tweeked. Double the dose of Lamital and add trazodone.....
Okay, yes, for the past several weeks I have had no problem with sleeping. My mind isn't racing. My mood seems to be rather stable. So, tweak away, Pdoc.
But...... what's with the f#cking hand tremors. It's tough to eat. Soup is a bitch! Paying for groceries, taco stand food, or whatever exposes my shaking palms and digits for all to see. Is this a fair trade off for mood stability?
This tremor "problem" is the least of my concerns. I have been feeling great these past weeks. I needed to visit my brother. I needed to get away from some responsibilities. I needed to forget for just a few weeks that I am pissed as hell at my condo board. All I want to do is sell my condominium and the condo board is breaking numerous bylaws and state laws................
Am I depressed today? Maybe blue, but not depressed. I look forward to going home, but not to return to any old habits. This month long visit is coming to an end. I miss Billy and our cats. I have to face the reality of the return to reality.
Mexico is so seductive.