None of us can live your life for you. None of us can cause you to believe, feel, or experience what we know or believe.
We can share our concerns for you. We can attempt to encourage you. We can try to remind you of God's unconditional love for you.
Only you can choose how to react to the events of your life. You ultimately choose how to feel, what to believe, and in whom you place your trust.
Suicide is a selfish act. We can not judge you for considering it nor should we feel guilty or remorseful if you decide to follow through. Yes, we will be sad.
We all constantly make selfish decisions. It is how we make our way through life. It is how we survive. It is how we live and face the turmoil, the challenges, and our joys in living.
I made a selfish decision 20 years ago when I divorced my wife. She had no choice or say in my decision. In
I chose to leave a failing marriage to embrace a life that I had been born to live. I have no regrets. I have weathered the consequences of that decision. I still have God's love and the love of an incredible family.
When I contemplated and attempted suicide, each time I came to the point of not caring about how those I'd leave behind would feel. I selfishly choose to escape this life and prayed for God's understanding and forgiveness. I am thankful that I never succeeded in ending this life.
After my father's and older brother's death this year, I grew extremely depressed. Yet, at no time did I ever want to end my life. When my primary care doc recognized my "problem" and sent me immediately to my pdoc (psychiatrist) -- I could honestly tell him that I was not suicidal.
You see -- I love life. I love my family, my companion, and all the pain and joy. I have done incredible things and choose to continue experiencing much more in the years to come.
My mantra since my 40th birthday has been -- Life is too short to take any bullshit......
I want to live as long and as fully as I can. My life may be short (as were my mother's and oldest brother's) but, I intend to live it well.
My friend, we can express all the love and concern that we have for you. We can tell you how much Jesus loves you but, it is you and only you that can decide to accept the love you are given. It is you and only you that can choose to love yourself.
You must decide whether these transient events and the accumulated grief and pain in your life is worthy of your death. Or you may decide to do the most selfish and personal act that you will ever face -- to love yourself.
I pray that you choose life. I pray that you choose to say F@*k you to all the things, the triggers, mood swings, and other BS that burdens you. You can cast them off, work to be healthy, and LIVE.
How can we ever tell you about the love and joy in our lives? You've had those experiences and you can continue to have them. How glorious it is that you brought life into this world. How glorious it will be if you choose to live and love and continue to help us live.
God's blessings are always with you.
May HE bring you peace and joy. And may you accept it and choose to continue to bask in His love.