Thursday, February 22, 2007

R Minus 36

Billy is on recon duty and I continue my duties at a comfortable pace. Plans within plans within plans.....



Your Moment of Zen



Politics: SAME SHIT Different WEEK..........


Personal Revelation

In the midst of my mind storm, the condominium associtation's criminal acts, my possible small claims court action against the association, and other shit stayed quiet long enough for me to begin perseverating about my biggest regret. I can't tell you how many linking thoughts got me to that question. I can say that when I answered the question I realized that I could then begin an exhausting game of "what if?"

So, what if? Too many of my life events have been directly related to that "regret" so I'll just speculate about what could have happened. My childhood bipolar depression may not have been severe. I could have formed trusting and caring friendships. I could have been willing to go to my parents had I known about manic depression and recognized my symptoms. A teacher or a counselor may have recognized it had teachers been trained in childhood abnormal psychology.

Perhaps my grades in school would have been better if I had learned to channel my periods of hypomania........

My first kiss may have been romantic. The loss of my virginity may have been well-planned and my co-conspirator would have been a guy I cared for and knew well. I may have come out late in my teens and would never have imagined marrying a woman.

I can imagine that I never developed enuresis nor had thoughts of suicide if it continued... I can imagine that I never was hypersexual, never tried drugs, never risked my health and life, never was so full of anger and guilt, and never so sad, hopeless, and helpless...

Perhaps, I would have shown the world the face I was born with and not the one I wore to keep it from learning my secrets, my shame....

My world would have been so different. I came to grips with my sexuality one day after some psych class and I literally stopped and asked myself if it was possible -- would I want to be straight? When I told myself -- Hell no! -- that discussion was over. This exercise in exorcism is based on what might have been -- but it is too late. My world is what it is and I live with it. And, I still love life and want to live it for quite awhile. Yes, my world would have been so very different had I just walked past that fucking door.


R Minus 37

As I fight a cold and a wee bit of bronchitis my mind is in overdrive. I have all the mental energy and none of the physical. At times in the past week I believe my Bipolar II hypomania was inching towards a new level and I didn't like that ... I have a million ideas and plans for each of them. Some stay mere seconds and others stick around for at most 30 seconds. The ideas are so distracting that it is difficult to concentrate on any one thing long enough to...

Last night, I stopped at the top of the stairs, sat down, and played with our Diana. I couldn't tell you how long I sat there but, when I moved on I realized that my mind storm had stood still and every thought had been about the cat. I could quiet my mind with such a simple act. Yet,I still sit here alone, not wanting to go out, not wanting to answer the door, and not able to stop the freaking storm.

Sitting here now is just another attempt to concentrate on SOMETHING ELSE. It seems to be working... The ideas about what should be or should not be in this post are gaining strength......

Damn, now it's gone.


Uncle Sam Thursdays #4

Monday, February 12, 2007

Ban Mondays #9

I do not profit from nor is this a product endorsement blah blah blah.

This advert is reported to have been banned in the United States blah blah blah.

ADULT CONTENT advisory......


Sunday, February 11, 2007

The Dixie Chicks

The Dixie Chicks earned 5 Grammy Awards.

Best Country Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal -- "Not Ready to Make Nice"

Best Country Album -- "Taking the Long Way"

Song Of The Year -- "Not Ready to Make Nice"

Album Of The Year -- "Taking the Long Way"

Record Of The Year -- "Not Ready to Make Nice"

That's not bad for the group that pissed off the supporters of George W. Bush.

Way to go, Ladies!!!


Getting Along

I have said that I do not like conflict. It is not that I am unwilling to stand-up for myself in an actual physical fight. It is not that I am unwilling to stand my ground in "discussing" my philosophies on life, love, and religion. It's the yelling, profanity, and uncontrolled emotions that others bring to the "discussion" that offend and disappoint me.

I don't "argue" about my faith, my politics, nor my views about life in general. Arguments are pointless for it seems that one or both sides want to claim some sort of "victory". My life and whatever "wisdom" I embrace are just that --- mine. If I choose to have a more mature or fuller expression of my viewpoints I will do so after careful consideration and not when someone attempts to jam their religion or beliefs down my throat.

I am particularly dismayed when I witness another family's interactions that end with profanity and the slamming of doors. I witnessed such a spectacle last night. And, to be honest, I came home, bought some beer and drank..... I generally do not drink, nor do I keep any alcohol in my home. Last night was the rare exception. Yes, it wasn't very healthy considering all the meds I must take.

I cannot recall any time when any one in my family had such an argument. We seem particularly blessed in that we love each other and get along fairly well. If we do have some tiff it doesn't last very long and is soon forgotten. And, for certain we never dredge up any past disappointment and throw it in the faces of our siblings.

As the anniversary of my father's death is at hand, I cannot help but remember how my family gave of themselves without reservation to care for Dad in his final year of life. We had great parents that taught us to be strong, independent, and caring. My father gave up his day's off from work to help neighbors, friends, and our extended family repair this or install that. Both Mom and Dad were generous and selfless when called upon to help a "neighbor".

We learned from their examples and we all have gentle spirits that call us to help others when we can.

I couldn't help last night. The escalating argument reached a flash point so very quickly. How very very sad.

Today, I am grateful for a loving God and my family that has been blessed by Him. And, my mood? I'm just hunky dory. The sun is shining and I know that my Redeemer lives!


Saturday, February 10, 2007

Babylon 5: Lt. Commander Susan Ivanova

Sorry. I have to post another YouTube. This is one of my favorite scenes from B5.


Rolling Rock Beer

The pre-Super Bowl "apology" ad from the folks at Rolling Rock was quite the teaser. The actual Super Bowl ad is hilarious.

(Sorry, 'Ol Lady, dial-up is a bitch)


I Love Snickers Bars

.... at least they didn't spit.


The Luke Johnson Experiment

I discovered "The Luke Johnson Experiment" on YouTube. Hey, give him a call.

The Drumbeats of War: Iran

It has been observed by several media pundits that the same sort of White House lies that got us into war with Iraq are now being whispered and leaked about Iran. The statement "if you only knew what we know" is being used by officials in the War-Monger-In-Chief's inner circle. Will we fall for their bullshit again? Is it too late?

During my recent Babylon 5 marathon this statement by the Vorlon Ambassador Kosh caused me to think about what is now happening.

"The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote."

Is it too late? Perhaps, Bush's war profiteer buddies want more taxpayer money.
God save us from the pro-Armageddon forces in the Christianist Far-Right!


You Just Can't Make This Shit Up

While reading Atrios's blog this morning I came across his post about William Donohue. Atrios linked to the Media Matters for America site where I found this quote:

" William Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, asserted that "[t]he gay community has yet to apologize to straight people for all the damage that they have done" and denounced gays for "asking for more rights" while allegedly "acting so morally delinquent."

Essentially the gay community is being blamed for the AIDS epidemic. What a douchebag!

To my Catholic friends: Does he really represent your faith? Does he really belong as head of the Catholic League for RELIGIOUS and CIVIL RIGHTS?


Friday, February 9, 2007

Babylon 5

I have just concluded a self-indulgent Babylon 5 marathon. I have watched the first 4 seasons of the show and have decided to skip the 5th and final season. Needless to say, I have been a couch potato for many days and evenings. I am done and am ready to get back to "normal" -- whatever the hell that is...

I am a science fiction fanatic. When the VHS video tapes became available I joined a video club and purchased the entire series one month at a time. I had planned to watch them after I retired. I retired nearly 4 years ago so I decided to watch them before they were sent off to a good home in my effort to make a clean sweep of my condo.

I am not sure if I should chalk this one up to hypomania or depression. I did begin the marathon after writing another freaking letter to the condo association inquiring why they have continued violating Michigan law and our condo constitution and bylaws. They have not sent me the documents that I requested in October.

I simply do not understand how the "alleged" Board of Directors continues to be irresponsible, ignorant, and idiotic.

Yes, maybe I have been depressed. I want to take them to small claims to recoup my condo fees for last year. And, I don't. I want to contact the county prosecuting attorney. And, I don't. I will contact my mortgage company and detail all of the Michigan laws and condo rules that have been violated. Maybe they will sue the Association or at least give them one helluva wake-up call.

I just don't want to deal with this shit...

Remember, folks, don't ever consider buying a condominium!!!


Your Moment of Zen

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Moon Child

Over the years I have read my horoscope and looked at books that describe the personality of a Cancer. Astrology has never been of any real interest to me. From time to time I do find that what is written about Cancers seems to be right on the mark. My moodiness certainly seems to be a true Cancer trait.

Today's full moon may or may not be a good omen for me. I don't know and, today, I don't care.

I have fallen behind these past two weeks in just about everything. I haven't been reading my blogs. I've watched very few national news programs. I was one week behind in paying bills though only one was a day late. My personal goals for my condo "Clean Sweep" are lagging behind. And, that one last letter to the condo association has been written, but not printed and mailed (I hate liars, thieves, and incompetent people that can't admit that they make mistakes.)

So, what? Tomorrow will be a better day? Sorry, no amount of Suzie Sunshine trite phrases will convince me that all will be well. It never is and it never will be...

Oh, yeah, I'll be inching up the bipolar coaster hill and anticipating the adrenaline high. Yes, maybe for awhile I'll not come rocketing down any hills. All that I have ever asked for are long moments strung together when I am neither up nor down.

I do appreciate that Ol' Lady and Dobro checked on me. I gotta tell ya -- the Bipolar Planet folks are the real deal. They understand. They care.

Yes, blah blah blah there is always some hope for tomorrow....


Uncle Sam Thursdays #3