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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Anxiety


How strange it is to be anxious and excited all at the same time! I have been getting out of the house nearly every day thus minimizing my anxiety about leaving the house. The pDoc will be pleased with this new development. I am able to deal with my fears by having been tanning in a salon at Port Huron's only Mall.

Billy and I have been walking the Mall before and after our daily tanning appointments. As long as we keep moving and don't stop too long in a store or to talk to a friend, I am ok. My tremors do increase the minute we leave the house. However, if we don't keep moving, I have an anxiety attack and need to get home NOW!

Besides the crazy tremors, I have been having more supraventricular tachycardia episodes. My heart speeds up dramatically causing nausea, profuse sweating, faintness, and my kidneys go into overdrive. I had episodes of this crap before a serious one caused me to call the school office. The principle drove me to the ER and after some grueling amount of time (and the crowd of medical students watching me) the doctors finally came up with the right med to get my heart back to normal.

I carry a baggie of the med wherever I go. Two or three little pills and the episodes end in less than an hour. I don't know why, but I had an episode within a half hour of waking up this morning. That has never happened.

Oh, yes, the attacks occur mostly when I am severely anxious or spontaneously. Go figure.

Some days it is really tough to live with bipolar II and have multiply physical outbursts. I actually get a slight "kick" out of the tremors. The constant tremors in my hands do make life interesting. As I've said before, eating soup or cereal is quite the challenge. It's a real bummer if I don't open a can of pop right away. You know, you should never shake a can of your favorite carbonated refreshment before opening it.

My excitement? You know, don't you?

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