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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Sum of Our Fears


It wasn't hypomania. It wasn't depression. It wasn't an episode of rapid cycling. And, I am convinced that my Bipolar Disorder was not the culprit. This evening, I cried. I was nearly sobbing and it had to be fear and anxiety.

Why?

I was trolling YouTube. I often have some thought, song, or theme that I take time to research. And, tonight, I was "inspired" to find out what YouTube had to offer with a search for "The Sum of Us". It is a movie that I watched about ten years ago.

I'm not here to give a summary or a critique of the screen adaptation of the play by David Stevens. I was touched by the back story that occurs in flashback. The first time I watched the film on VHS, I sobbed as that other story line reached its climax. It haunts me to this day.

I can't even find the words to adequately explain why it touched me so deeply. What I can tell you is that after watching that movie (starring Russell Crowe) I had some serious talks with my family. It is probably time to remind them of what was said.

Similarly, at the time of the Terri Shiavo controversy our family had met for a party and we talked about the disgusting Christianists and Politicians that used one family's personal tragedy to impose their "deeply held beliefs" upon that family. We told each other, in no uncertain terms, that we would never want to be kept alive by any artificial means. We want ours deaths to be on our terms and with dignity. Our family was united on that topic and on our wishes to be cremated.

What I need to do is once again reiterate our (Billy's and my) request that we never be separated in this life. We'll let the Lord decide about the next.

Please watch this clip from the movie and you may understand my fears and tears.


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