I think I can handle paying the telephone/DSL bill without too much anxiety. I am going to pay it tomorrow, really I am..... I'm not sure about today's activities. Memo didn't sleep last night (insomnia). I was up near 7 am. I am getting a full night's sleep except that I'll probably go back to bed (depression)....
We need to go to The Square and retrieve some more of our meds for our bipolar medication cocktails.
All I want is some stability, again.....
Damn Bipolar Depression! Aaww, not to worry, I've paid my fare and I'm going to stick with the ride.... it goes up eventually.....
"Stress" has a meaning in the world of folks living with Bipolar I & II that is not quite what muggles believe they have experienced. In addition to the muggle definition, we have "events" or stressors that may provoke a slip into depression or a jump to hypermania and may be preceded with a socially inappropriate "scene". (I've had explosive anger laced with expletives and/or sudden panic attacks that required me to "run" home, ASAP.)
I've been side tracked with a bout of social anxiety and may only leave the house on the days when the maid comes. Memo is right there in the trench beside me. I have experienced some rapid cycling since a major stressor last week and earlier in this week. And, let's not get started with some obsessive compulsive behavior...
This will all pass when my medication cocktail is itself stabilized. We've been having some delays in obtaining our meds. I also don't know if the rapid dissolving Lamictal is having some strange effects.
Well, the sun will come out tomorrow (It's the altitude and mountain environment that practically mandates afternoon sunshine...) and we'll be back to doing what retirees do.....
I was cruising through music videos on YouTube a few weeks ago and found this song/music video. I don't speak German and I don't really like Rammstein, but this song and video "haunted" me. (Please forgive the metal nonsense at the end of the video,)
She was special. She knew her father loved his "ErmaKa". He knew she was special, too. Erma's parents made her special when naming her Erma Loraine Fuhrwerk. She was an E.L.F.
Maybe she was teased about her special acronym or equally envied.
Year after year Erma signed her name on school papers, autograph books, letters, and so on...
High Schooler E.L. Fuhrwerk decided to get a part-time at Babcock's Dairy store. She was required to apply for a work permit. The work permit required that a birth certificate be produced.
Erma was devastated. 15 years earlier someone misspelled her name on the official record of her birth. With that discovery she wasn't special anymore. She was just Irma.
We may never know why Erma's parents didn't ask for a correction. Perhaps it was the cost or they were never offered the choice. Irma had a long life of opportunities to make the change to the name her parents had intended for her. She didn't.
Erma/Irma was special. She had a husband and children that loved her and honor her memory. She was loved by family and friends. Irma/Erma was special.
I was often accused of doing "The Low Crawl" when people knocked at my door. I always tried the old and over-used excuse that some friends came over and we left for dinner in their car. My brother knew that I was really doing the low crawl after I stated, "Is there a law that says I have to answer my phone or answer my door. Besides, people should call ahead before considering dropping over."
Yes, I did the low crawl. I didn't want to see anyone. I was usually unshaved and hadn't showered for a few days. I didn't want to leave the house because of the anxiety and the too often panic episodes. When I told Memo that we HAD to go home WE HAD to get home. I didn't want to go out in public. And, I often hid to avoid family and friends.
That was then.
I don't like crowded bars or restaurants. I still panic on crowded streets. But, I do answer the phone and I greet our friends as they come through the cast iron gate. I greet people on the street.
I have changed.
Okay, I've been cycling lately. I hope it's only the result of stopping Lamictal "cold turkey" due to a delay in getting it delivered to the "Farmacia". My Cymbalta was a couple days late in coming, too. Now I have every med, fish oil, vitamins, and an herbal pain reliever --- the chemical giant was right --- there is a better living through chemistry.
Men At Work's song "Who Can It Be Now" describes the old Lee.
It seems that Tuesday's "confrontation" did phuck me up.
I was hypomanic Tuesday, then Wednesday I cycled down. I'm okay. At least I walked to the square on Thursday. Well, I sort of had to -- the maid comes at 2 PM.
Today? I was up early and read my blogs, filled a bucket of hot water with an appropriate quantity of bleach and white laundry, sat in the sun, and .... So, my activity level is up and Memo and I are going to see the Harry Potter movie at 5 PM. I'm excited about that. The English language film only got here last Friday. The Spanish language version was here for a couple of weeks before the English version.
And, now I have errands to do before we go tho see HARRY POTTER ~
And, so it goes, the bipolar coaster is what it is.... onwards from the 10th Row, Seat 15 to the mezzanine.
Meet Senator Ted Stevens (R-AL) the famous cheerleader for the Republican pork barrel project that would send millions of dollars to the State of Alaska for a major bridge to an island having fewer than 100 residents.
Meet Ted Stevens and his son, a former leader in Alaska's State Legislature. Sonny resigned .... corruption......
Now, meet Teddy, spoiled old white fart that believes he has earned a few perks as a United States Senator and the oldest ranking Republican in the Senate..... So, who cares if you steer some government contracts to your buddy? He's such a good buddy that he oversaw the renovation of Teddy's home.........
With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan--to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves, and with all nations.